Crazy Busy

Oh. I thought I was out for a nice Sunday boat ride. Now I am falling over Niagara, and I think one of my contacts has fallen out.
Edward Hallowell, M.D. in his book, Crazy Busy, writes about the incredible amount of things women have to keep straight in the current era. The author, clearly after my own heart, entitles the short chapter "Why Women Have It Harder Than Men."
There is a "dizzying list of ...available targets" for my attention right now. I am getting ready for law school, filing paperwork, planning and adjusting the family budget, scheduling classes and prep classes and orientation, networking for next summer's internship, and reading law books.
At the same time, I am finishing three major documents for my current job - over 200 pages of information I must either write or assemble - all in the next 13 days.
On still the same days, I am helping Satya and Kuruna adjust to a new school and new routine. I am scheduling their doctor's appointments, making their lunches, planning activities for us before I vanish into law school.
...And yet still somewhere in this list I am trying to find time to help a friend campaign for Vermont House. The list, friends, goes on.
I know there are others who, with grace and ease, manage lives more complex, jobs more stressful. How?
So that takes care of the "falling over Niagara" part.
Now, to the lost "contact."
Besides the slightly overwhelming feeling I have about the speed with which life seems to be escaping my control, I am also panicked that I will not have the tools I need to get through these challenges (the contact) and that I will miss the details, in particular the quality, of life if I am too overwhelmed by the massive amounts of "stuff" I have to deal with.
My point? I don't know. I am too busy to come up with one.

mulling over law school

I start law school in the fall. My class is already starting to assemble via a Yahoo list-serv and (Ugh, dare i say it?!) a MySpace site. I have been reading through the posts with interest and -- truth be known-- some jealousy and uneasiness. They are all young and energetic. Many have dogs they love. They are talking about hobbies, outdoor recreation, language tutorials and house warming parties. They are recounting recent undergraduate degrees and internships at lawfirms.

I don't have a dog.

Why am I doing this? I wonder. As much as I know I am doing the right thing going to law school, I am full of doubt. How will I do? Will I really be able to gain the skills in writing I need? Will I be able to make law review? Can I compete. Do I have the stamina? Can I do it with two kids and a husband, to whom I am dedicated?

I wrote to a friend this morning about his research project on recovery in New Orleans. "You have overcome so many real barriers -- and sidestepped other apparent ones -- to not only make some important progress in your field, but also to make a difference in others lives." I recognized in my heart, immediately upon writing it, how much I wish that others will be able to say the same about me some day.

Blindness

Before I began teaching "inner city" kids, I had no idea what it meant to be poor in America. Had you asked me to describe poverty, I would have been like a blind person with a sketch pad - able to draw an image but without the experience to conceive the picture nor the ability to understand what I had projected. By meeting "my" kids , hearing their stories, visiting their homes, I was able to grasp how little I knew, how little I could understand. I found an incredible respect for those who struggle in obscurity and in the shadow of American mass culture.
I am reminded of my transformation as I listen to the Right Wing Republicans this week propose the amendment banning gay marriage. What strikes me is how little these people understand about how most people live in our country. In particular the arguement that "every child should have a mother and a father." I think it would be a tremendous gift to our children to give each one a mother and a father. However, most do not have that now. Most live in divorced households or single mother households or mixed families with one parent or another, a grandparent, siblings, etc.
But let's say we could flash a magic wand and give the people "what the people want." How does one define a "mother" and a "father"?
Is it by their gender roles? My husband is a terrific "mother" to our children. He cooks, plays, dabs booboos...I am a pretty good father, bringing home the bacon and instituting appropriate discpline.
Do we define mothers and fathers by their physical make-up? Is a trangendered mother a "mother"?
What about mother and father substitutes?
How about this: Every kids gets a mother and father and grandmother and grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins. Let's make it a birthright, guaranteed by our Congress and Constitution. If they wind up with a couple of extra moms or dads, let's call it lagniappe.

Fourth Amendment saved by USA Today?

(Warning...I am about to get un-Buddhist on you...If you think you will be offended, that's ok. Read on.)
Come-'on people when even USA Today becomes part of the "outraged liberal press," you've got to know something so obvious and beyond the bounds of reason must be going on in our government. Look, these guys are no Washington Post or NYTimes. The last time I stumbled over a USA Today it was in front of my hotel door and the lead story was about people who lose their jobs because they refuse to fly airplanes...an issue for a few people, but not earth shattering news...Now even they have discovered the NSA program.
The message..."GET OFF YOUR BUM, AMERICA! and STOP the MADNESS!"
Do people realize that phone records are used as court evidence all the time to establish patterns of activity and connections to others? Now, the government has our phone records without ever petitioning for a warrant.
This activity is not within the bounds of the Fourth Amendment: "The right of the people to be secure in their persons...and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures...and no Warrants shall issue except upon probable cause." There is no probable cause here, the search is not specific to a criminal act or civil violation. I don't care that they may not be viewing the content of my communication. I do not give my government permission to view who I am calling or when. And so far as I know, I have not surrendered my freedom or heard my Miranda rights read to me. As someone who understands the capabilities of data mining, I know well that plenty can be construed by my phone record without seeing the content of the calls.
Can someone please tell Mr. Bush that "executive privilege" really means he is privileged to serve at the pleasure of the citizens of the United States? (I quote U.S. Constitution, Article I, Section 9, "No Title of Nobility shall be granted..."). And can someone please also inform the Democrats that they cannot run away from their responsibility to govern, using their minority status as an excuse. Maybe we could remind them that the core of all that is American is the triumph of the minority over its oppressor(s).
No kidding, all this, inspired by a USA Today article. Go figure.

In answer to your question, Satya...

Space is the nickname we use for everything beyond our Earth's atmosphere. It is a good nickname because there is lot of it and it seems relatively empty from our point of view. Doesn't it look like there is a bunch of "space" between the stars in the sky? Don't we know there is a long distance or a lot of space between Earth and other planets, Earth and the Sun or our Solar System and other star systems?

The longer correct name for space depends on where in "space" you are talking about. "Interplanetary space" means the area of space within our solar system, roughly speaking the area from the Sun, in the middle, out to Pluto. Everything beyond Interplanetary space is correctly called "Outer space." (If you imagine your room, where your planets and stars are on the wall as the solar system, it may be easier to imagine the rest of our house as "outer space.")

In one way, space is empty. There is none of the air we need to breathe in space. In many other ways, space is full. There are organic molecules, blackbody radiation left over from the birth of the Universe, gas, plasma, dust, small meteors and space junk -- left over spaceships and trash from astronauts and satellites.

Living deep

Those who don't feel life pulling them like a river, those who don't drink dawn like a cup of spring water or take sunset like supper, those who don't want to change, let them sleep. ~Rumi
My brother, once a very little child to me, is now all grown up. I am so proud. I am so amazed. For he, more than anyone I have ever met embodies Joseph Campbell's admonition to follow your bliss.
He will be the commencement speaker when he graduates next month. He has just received a fellowship to study photography in Prague. He is dedicated to his work and his community. And, in my estimation is incredibly talented. Most importantly he is happy. And, that makes me ecstatic.

The emergence of little things

How glorious the emergence of little things on a cold spring morning! Ladybugs showing up on my windowsill and spiderlings hatching from well camouflaged egg sacs in my eves. Crocuses flowering from still grassless fields. Even the little child who now emerges so early to wake me from my slumber.
All of them a tribute to how powerful yet the counterinsurgency might be against the mis-anointed caretakers of this world: we human adults. Though it inevitably will mean my demise, I do wish for a day when the Ladybugs, the spiderlings, the crocus and the little children might be able to reach high enough to grasp the reins of power for more than a few fleeting moments in April.

Kinda blue

A dear friend asked me today how I'm doing...

Parenting has its share of tragedies, large and small. The crises of parenting, I have discovered, are seldom the ones I expected were lurking in my future.

Sure, there are the major medical traumas with big names ending in "oma" or carrying some distinguished doctor's last name. We all react to those by jumping off a cliff, landing on a tarp covered in hornets, then sinking into a pit of quicksand for the duration of the illness.

Aside from the big scary illnesses are the ones that abruptly end one journey -- usually well-planned, "normal life" -- and begin another journey through unmarked territory. It is this kind of journey of which my friend and I spoke.

I am on such a journey. Kuruna is my Sherpa.*

So how am I doing? I'm just fine. In fact, in spite of managing a complex schedule of doctor's visits, procedures, therapists and developmental exercises; in spite of occasional bouts of wondering if people think I am crazy because I've gone off on some protective Mother Bear rage about access to care for Kuruna; even though if I see another lab slip demanding blood from my baby I am going to crumple in a heap; and regardless of how many more days or years I have to wait to have a diagnosis... I'm ok. I'm actually having fun.

Fun...following Kuruna up the stairs helping him raise each leg to the next stair and hearing him giggle as he pulls himself up along the railing. Fun, watching him psyche himself up to step off a curb by himself....hearing him insist on holding the spoon, admonishing me to let "Self!" do it... watching how excited he gets putting on a shirt on his own. I especially find joy in listening to him croon "Twinkle Twinkle" or "Spirit of Life" or hearing him hum the saxophone part to "All Blues" from Miles Davis' Kind of Blue. How many people get to take their journey with a Sherpa who hums Coltrane? In his Sherpa kind of way, he keeps to himself. I don't know much about my guide, even though he's my son. But the lack of banter and relative silence invites me to inward exploration where, ironically, I find insights about the world around us.

I sometimes wake in the morning thinking that I'll discover I've been dreaming and that everything has been restored to "normal-and-as-planned." However, I'm rarely blue, hopping along on this jivey journey with my jazzy soy-milk-loving stair-climbing guy.

*(I must acknowledge here that I am not on this journey with Kuruna only, but also with Satya and my hubby and our extended families, too. I couldn't make this journey without their incredible support. But these are my Buddha lessons, right? And, though we may travel the same road, our feet trod on different soil.)

A week of prophets, messiah's and great teachers

Moses, Buddha, Christ, my kids....I wrote to a friend this evening...Parenting, I am pretty sure, is the answer to everything, if you are willing to be open and humble and inquisitive and generous. My kids have taught me every worthwhile thing about the world I know. There are many things they have also tried to teach me that I haven't learned yet. My job is to pay better attention

Today I learned that the story of raising Lazarus from the dead is really cool to a Unitarian-Jewish-Buddhist-Christian four-year-old. I also learned that Handel's Messiah is as fun to share with a child as it is to discover for yourself. Handel, in his genius, used very short passages from the Bible for his libretto and the musical energy is so joyful, it's intoxicating.

Is all of this religion confusing to Satya, my mother asks. No, she doesn't miss a beat. She puts Christ in heaven, Buddha in Nirvana, Moses on the mountaintop, and sees no reason they can't all exist that way. After all, don't I always tell her every body is different? Why shouldn't their gods and beliefs be?

The only thing she is confused about is how to get Bush out of office and why he got there in the first place. There is a song late in the Messiah that borrows its text from Psalm 2: "

Why do the nations so furiously rage together? [and] why do the people imagine a vain thing?

The kings of the earth rise up, and the rulers take consel together against the Lord, and against His Annointed.

Seeing those words today gave me hope that we may,

break their bonds asunder, and cast away their yokes from us.

I seldom quote scripture. But there are no atheists in a foxhole, right?

On that note, I'll sign off. It's 11:20 and I've just finished making the kids' Easter basket and a cake for Easter dinner tomorrow. We had Passover and my birthday this week, too. I am not sure when we slow down again, but I, at least am going to stop for the next six hours...Ok, at least slow down.

Learning as I go...to be a Democrat

I attended a talk given by Vermont Lt. Governor candidate, Matt Dunne, about a week ago. As I listened to Matt--who has led the national Americorps-VISTA program, served in the Vermont Senate for 11 years and been involved in service in many other ways--what inspired me most was his call to service for all Vermonters. I think that, as much as anything, is something we Dems can hold up and hold on to. I am not sure, yet, how to craft the right sound bite, so be patient with my in-articulation! However, I've got an image:

Move-on has started a TV ad-campaign showing Republican "leaders" with their hands dyed red. I don't think I have to explain that theme. The list is seemingly endless...Delay, Cheney, Libby, Bush, Abramoff...and growing every day.

Dems on the other hand have hands that have been used in service. I think of hands that have reached out to help others in need - helping the elderly and working with hospice patients, cleaning up natural waterways of trash and other pollutants, constructing and painting houses after Katrina, stacking donated food at food banks, teaching children, holding anti-war picket signs, and yes, writing checks to charity (which by-the-way the disappearing middle class does in far greater percentage than the upper class: "Except for seniors, upper middle class and middle rich filers are nearly half as generous as everyone else," according to at least one study I have read).

Our hands are "dirty" in a good way; they are strong, callaused, caring and stand ready for the next opportunity to serve our fellow citizens. They are ready to pick up the pieces of Iraq. They are ready to shake the hands of a new generation of activists. They are strong enough to do the hard work we need to clean this mess up!

(photo fatal Cleopatra on flikr)
I anticipate the reaction from Republicans - that they are volunteers, too. Yes. Their constituents may be. But it is not what their party is about. It is what OUR party is about. Just as the Republicans think they can co-opt Christianity, I think we can co-opt Service, connectedness, helping not only our "neighbors" but also reaching out to those who are beyond our neighborhoods.

Anyway... I have more thoughts on what we are "for" in terms of issues and platform. I too have been dissatified by our Party's lack of vision on this front. I have to admit, though, that as I work on creating positive statements about what we stand for, I find it very tough going. I'll keep you updated, if I hit on anything profound.

Spring Cleaning

It's here. The warm weather energizes us. The Sun makes us manic. We are busy bees, birds, ants, beavers...chucking out the tired, the old, the cluttered.
Yesterday, we made four boxes of clothes to donate to a couple of charities and to send off to friends' kids.
We also made plans and wishes for the spring and summer. What advnetures we planned! We'll go on hikes; we'll go to amusement parks; we'll walk or run in races benefiting cancer patients; we'll make art. Soon we'll color eggs.
This morning we woke and set the clocks ahead. Even time is telling us, "Get moving! You're already late!"
"Hurry, up!" Satya says to me. (She is sitting right next to me as I type). It's time to go for the first bike ride of the year.
This is the true season of renewal and resolution.

Kids' intestinal tracts are extremly resilient

I really won't elaborate too much on this one, except to say that given the variety 'foreign objects' that have made their way through Kuruna's digestive tract and have evidenced themselves to me (forgive the verbiage) without any signs of distress to his system, I am checking 'swallowing dangers' off the list of things to worry about -- for now.

Would Gandhi have embraced a cyber-based legal system?

I spent Saturday night re-watching Gandhi. I have resolved this year to read all of his writings - unfortunately haven't gotten through any yet. Ok, I haven't bought any, either. Somehow, I feel like buying books on Gandhi from amazon.com is counter-intuitive.


I just got an article from my bro about what happened to prisoners in New Orleans and Mississippi during and post -Katrina. I think I am going to vomit. (The article basically chronicles the abuse and neglect of incarcerated children and adults--many arrested without charge-- during this period.)
I don't understand how humans can systematically destroy other humans this way...I don't know where to begin to address the cruelty that exists in our prison "system."

I was reading this weekend a First Monday article about the growing use of Internet / SW based Online Dispute Resolution in the cyber world - where most of the process is automated. I wonder whether we could take care of some of the backlog of criminal cases this way.

No really. How much worse would a computer interface be for a black prisoner in the South than a disinterested public defender in front of a racially biased judge with a backlog of thousands of cases?

Who??? is the Surgeon General?

I was writing a comment to Sassypants on her blog post about Sex Ed, much on my mind as my four year old begins her journey as a sexual being.
So I have thought for a long time as I wrote in September that the ideal sex ed for teens -- especially girls -- would "consist mostly of my showing all of my stretch marks (no, they do not become silvery almost invisible "trophies") and discussing the joys of morning sickness, sleep deprivation (yes, I am still talking about pregnancy) and 'sharing' space within your own body that you never really thought you would have to sublet."
I agree that discussing the awkwardness of the sexual encounter (What's your name again? How many partners? Ever treated for an STD? Birth control? You're into WHAT???) would also go a long way both in prevention of teen pregnancy, unwanted pregnancy and in promotion of good sexual health -- mental and physical -- among our young people. I have given up on the rest of us. So, you write something up. I'll present it to Bill Frist and ...who is out Surgeon General these days??? Oh, Carmona. Yeah, there's a name we've heard a lot in the news during our "National healthcare crisis!"
I'm sorry, but has anyone heard word-one from this Surgeon General? There is certainly no lack of subject matter for this leader of our country to tackle! Avian Flu, for instance. Umm, mental health of children affected by Katrina. How about the Crystal Meth crisis sweeping the nation. I could go on and I don't even have an inkling about healthcare.

Really tough questions...

Satya asked with a quite a bit of frustration yesterday: "Mom, how can we say that Mercury is 'near the Sun,' if it is actually millions and millions of miles from the Sun?"

Anyone have a good way to visualize the enormity of space???

My new found alto-ism

Parenting is finding the strongest harmony to support and develop the melodies of our children.
Pre-parenting life in pursuit of my professional (what else was there?) and personal growth was spent trying to out-sing my peers in one way or another. Literally and figuratively -- I spent much of my youth in the performing arts -- I sought to lead everyone else.
How is it that I am a leader to my children, but find myself taking the back-seat? I know instinctually that is the right place for me to be--singing a strong but subtle and complementary harmony. Of course, finding the right notes can be its own challenge. I have to listen...and practice a lot more.

Needed: Magical Kingdom antidote

This is it. I am done. Disney has gone too far. And, I am declaring war. I have been quietly disgusted at the Disney Princess craze, hoping that its marketability would die down, or become passe after being overhyped. But now I am horrified. Disney has announced that in early April it will open the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. Here's a short description:

"The boutique is to open in April at a Downtown Disney store and will include 10 chairs where girls can get fancy up-dos or hair extensions. With Kiddie spa treatments increasingly popular here, Disney currently offers kid primping including "my first facial" and "my first pedicure," and we hear that the highest-end package will include the works - hair, make-up, nails, a princess gown and a glam photo - and will probably be around $100. But, for your Princess that's not a lot of Mickey dollars!"

I had no idea that kiddie spa treatments existed much less that they were growing in popularity. What, do kids need a break from all the stress of pretend play? No, they need a break from the non-stop din of Disney programming on digital TV!, marketing at Wal-Mart and lifestyle invasion.

My objection is not to princesses and fairy tales per se. Pretend play is great. It helps children sort out their emotional and social roles. But Disney has taken all of the pretend out of the play. It prescribes the scenarios; it sanctions the props. Why does the princess have to be Sleeping Beauty? Why can't she be Princess Joanie? Why can't she be a royal wizard, chief architect or court composer? And, whatever happend to making a princess robe out of an old towel, a crown out of construction paper? And, while we are at it, where are the boys???? Is there a black Cinderella?

I am generally pretty laissez-faire. I don't believe in protecting children from every unpleasantry of modern life. I just need an alternative. And I need it to have the reach and capital backing of Disney.

Oprah...Are you out there? We need to talk!

(Look I realize that I am being incredibly simplistic in this rant, but what do you expect? It's a blog! If you want to have an intelligent conversation about sociology, child psychology and economics, I welcome your comments. If you have any resources for a mother desperate to give a daughter positive images and experiences, please share.)

Postcard

Written on a cut-out section of cardboard box and sent to a friend via U.S. PO:
"Hullo there...You know they have Star Wars fruit snacks?! Yes, you , too, can get blueberry molded head of Darth Vadar and Chewy Chew-bacca. They are not as yummy as those cute and lovable Pixar trademarked fruit snacks, like Nemo.
I think we need "Fossil Snacks" like: Head of Lucy, Austrolopithicus (that would be in a distinctive smoked mammoth flavor). The bummer flavor - you know the "less-preferred" one that no one wants -- would be trilobites in either a vaguely vanilla rootbeer flavor or imitation Philly-cheesesteak."

Mardi Gras day 2006

Jen Granick's blog shares a little Mardi Gras splash today. Her pictures include evidence that the party goes on...with masks of one kind...and another.
Nagin gave another stupid speech, drunkenly toasting "our Zulu brothers" who died in Katrina. Not sure he's any more a Zulu brother than I am!
In the meantime, Mosaic continues trying every avenue to pull the pieces together from afar. And the Army Corps acknowledges they are only trying to put the levees back in a little better shape than before. At least there will BE a levee by June!
What does this have to do with Buddha lessons? Well, maybe in explains why the other day I so adamantly condemned Disney princess craze to Satya, who was visibly heart broken to have her idols - Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, et all - cut down. I think it was Mardi Gras and not Disney, as much, that gave me the false perception of my princesshood, so maybe my gripe should be more with the Krewe of Rex than the fiends at Disney...But it's not popular to rail against anything New Orleans anymore and everyone knows Disney sucks.
Oh yeah, and in case you haven't heard - or don't have TV, like us...Bush knew.

"Benevolent" lump

Saturday. Found a lump low on Satya's neck. Called Doctor. ...who said not to worry about it, probably linked to last week's cold and sore throat.
Now I am thanking the non-issue lump. For I spent the rest of the weekend grateful and present. Grateful to have a healthy vivacious daughter. Present in every delightful moment I get with her.